A Conversation on Sexual Wellness

How is your sexual wellness?

When we talk about sexual wellness, we want to approach it with a holistic view. We can’t just talk about sexual wellness in terms of physical or relational health. We have to look at it with all four corners; physical, relational, spiritual and emotional. Oh then can we gauge our true sexual wellness.

Physical

Physical sexual wellness looks at your anatomy and physiology. Are you physically healthy? Some areas that impact your physical wellness are medications that affect your hormone levels, dehydration that leads to vaginal dryness, ingrown pubic hairs that are uncomfortable, urinary tract infections, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and menses. These are just a few physical conditions that can affect sexual wellness.

If you have consistent symptoms such as vulva/vaginal burning, itching, or pain, we recommend seeing a qualified gynecologist. If you have trouble with dryness due to a hormonal shift or dehydration, we recommend a good lube, such as Slippery Stuff, while you’re working on restoring your health. Some women report that orgasming during menstruation helps relieve cramping. Talk to your spouse and if it is mutually consensual, this could be an option for you. If you are unfamiliar with your own anatomy, we recommend getting a mirror and a light and going into your bedroom and taking a look at what God created. This will help you to be familiar with your health in this area.

Relational

Relational wellness looks at your relationship with your spouse. Are you fighting a lot? Do you have bitterness or anger towards one another? Are you closely connected or do you feel yourselves drifting apart? Life changes are one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Job changes, financial issues, new baby, new house, death of a loved one, or even pet adoption can cause a massive shift in your relationship if you’re not intentional about connecting with one another and walking together.

It’s easy to get into a rut where you start to feel more like business partners, or even enemies, than you do a married couple. If you are dealing with strain in your relationship, we recommend finding a Christian marriage counselor. Everyone would benefit from marriage counseling, even couples who would be labeled “rock solid”. Don’t feel embarrassment about seeking help, or seeking ways to strengthen your marriage. It is more important than anything or anyone else in your life.

Emotional

Emotional wellness looks at the way you think about sex. It this pleasurable, or do you feel like it’s just a duty to be done? Are you emotionally intimate with your spouse? Do you believe you’re worthy of pleasure? How you view sex will depend greatly on how you were taught about sex growing up. If the subject was taboo and forbidden in your childhood, then chances are good that you don’t have a healthy emotional view of sex. Those, especially women, who were raised in fundamental churches were taught that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be hidden. These women then grow up and get married, and that shame voice inside their head never goes away. The same is true for women raised with a casual view of sex. If you were raised with the idea that sex is just an outlet and you should express yourself sexually however is best for you, you won’t have the correct view of sex as an adult.

Your mental health will also impact your emotional wellness when it comes to sex. Conditions like anxiety and depression are often the result of chemical imbalances in the brain which can affect every other area of our health. If you feel yourself suffering from prolonged anxiety, or depression, please schedule an appointment with a qualified medical doctor or licensed counselor. If you are struggling with shame surrounding your sexuality, or sexual relationship, we recommend seeing a certified Christian sex therapist. A sex therapist who happens to be a Christian can be a good resource, but a better option is a counselor who was specifically trained as a Christian sex therapist. These counselors are highly educated in Bible teachings medical conditions affecting sex, and the psychology of sexual dysfunction.

Spiritual

Spiritual wellness look at what you believe about God’s design for sex. What were you taught about sex from the church? Many women coming out of a strict church upbringing were taught nothing about sex until very close to their wedding. If they were taught through the church, it was heavily influenced by the purity culture movement where sex and sexuality were shameful to even think about until you got married. Then they were expected to flip a switch and “do it for their husband”.

If you weren’t taught the correct theology of sex, then it will be hard to understand why it matters so much to God. This is another area where a good Christian sex therapist can make a huge difference. In addition to counseling, we encourage you to grab your Bible and start with the beautiful Song of Songs. Look at the original language and the cultural context as you study. This book shows us that sex was created to be mutually beneficial and pleasurable to both husband and wife.

Other recommendations for sexual wellness such as books, podcasts, and courses can be found LINK HERE